5.09.2007

Retailer Appreciation Day (Only The Opposite...)

Let's call May 9th Retailer Appreciation Day. Okay, maybe in the Bizarro Universe. I don't know what it is, but I'm having a hell of a time with my local retailers lately. During today's weekly visit, I had a conversation that went a little something like this;

Me: "Hey, did Iron Fist come out today?"

I'm met with an immediately rude retort from Register Jock: "Did you see it on the shelf?"

Now if you're going to be a prick, I'm just going to be a prick right back and we're gonna' have a go: "No. That's why I'm asking."

Register Jock: "Well, if you don't see it, then we didn't get it."

Yes, your circuitous logic astounds me. So you're basically telling me that if I don't see it, then it's not there. Brilliant. I can see clearly that you didn't get it dickface, because it's not on the shelf, which prompted my question, I think we've already established that you didn't get it. You having it and it being released that day are two vastly different things.

My frustration grows: "Yeah, I wasn't asking if you got it, I was asking if it came out."

Register Jock: "I guess not, 'cuz we don't have it," he quips, thinking he's closed the issue. He thinks that because they don't have it, that naturally must mean it didn't come out. This is a logic fallacy, a mistaken correlation. It's called Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc in Latin. It Happened After, Therefore Because Of.

Me: "It was on Diamond's Shipping List," I say slowly, over-enunciating every word. Check-fucking-mate, I'm musing to myself.

Register Jock now begins flipping through his printout with very deliberate and exaggerated motions, clearly annoyed that I'm expressing interest in actually buying a book from his fine establishment: "Yeah, it's on the list... but, we didn't get it."

"Yes." I say it coldly, monotone, with no expression or emotion, confirming the statement made by Master Of The Obvious.

Now we're just staring at eachother and I realize there are people within earshot, so I let three beats go by in my head for dramatic flair, thinking now is where you should be saying you'll get more in later or next week or offer to order me one or some type of fucking explanation. You still have a chance to course correct and save this little retail debacle. But, alas... silence.

Me: "I guess I'll go buy it at XxXxx Comics." (name X'd out here to protect the innocent, but it's their competition down the street)

Good God, I just want some Danny Rand! Is that too much to ask? The same shop ordered Okko: Cycle of Water #3 today, but didn't order #2 when it came out a few weeks ago, yet I did buy #1 from them. DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF, MATE?

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