Amazing Spider-Man #583 Rant

I don’t know how it was at your LCS today, but how annoying was it to see the throngs of nutballs coming in to pick up the Obama Variant Cover Amazing Spider-Man #583? These are people who have never been in a comic shop before and will never step foot in one again. True, I’m generalizing, but that’s what rants do. By my rough calculations, there was at least four times the number of people who are normally in the store at that time of day. I looked carefully and none of them picked up anything beside the much ballyhooed Amazing Spidey, so let’s just head that argument off at the pass – that at least it gets them in the store to buy other things. Umm, no.

I witnessed a fascinating debacle with a woman who must have been in her 80’s that’d shuffled in looking for the book. She wandered in, looking even more out of place than many of the suits with their greedy eyes and eBay on the brain, more stupefied than the obnoxious teenagers wandering around looking lost and timid, like they’d stepped into some porn shop for the first time, and she approached a store employee. The employee explained that the books were behind the counter and not on the shelves with the “regular” books. That word jabbed at my senses, the “regular” books, because this one was, of course, somehow special. The old woman seemed perplexed by this and annoyed in that special way that only the elderly can exude. She finally got to the counter after waiting in line, was annoyed that the limit was two, and then became very agitated when her total was over $30. “But, I thought they were $3 each,” she pleaded. “I don’t understand why I have to pay more.” Nor do I understand, I agreed silently. The clerk then tried to give her some dismissive answer, as the six other people in line jonesing for their precious “collector’s item” continue to grow impatient. She then questions why she had to pay .50 cents extra for bags and boards. She stated firmly, “I don’t want to pay .50 cents for that junk!” Good for you, Granny! Fold those suckers up and put ‘em in your back pocket! I smiled to myself, morbidly enjoying the whole fucking debacle. Please, just walk out and don’t pay for them, I began mumbling to myself. But alas, she paid her $30, sans bags and boards, and disappeared.

While this is going on, some other douchebag walks in and just starts yelling “hey man, you got those Obama comics?!” The clerk says back, “yes, we do.” The douche stammers around confused for a moment, looking around wild-eyed like he’s just come down from the speedball he had for breakfast and has to get the next fix in before his skin starts crawling. “Well, where would I find them?” he asks. “We’re hiding them,” the clerk says with a sickly, wry grin. Everyone in line laughs. My heart sinks. Inside, I die a little bit. You’re hiding them? What do you hide? What does one hide from the world? That which is coveted. What do you covet? Something you desire wrongfully. Really, that’s the definition of the word. Fucking hell, this scene is killing me, I thought. I hate this. This is a disgusting showing. I’m ashamed.

I hate comics right now.

It bugs me that the whole flustered, spastic, dithered affair is a story on CBR, as if that somehow legitimizes it as newsworthy. “There hasn’t been any excitement like this in comics since they killed Superman in 1992," stated WonderWorld co-owner Dennis Barger. Doesn’t that just say it all? That’s not supposed to be a positive thing there, Dennis, it’s not supposed to be remembered fondly. That was supposed to be a part of our darkest hour. This is a comic that should sell for $3, but was going for something like $14.95 with reports that other shops in town were charging as much as $50 and $60, and up to $200 online. Why? Nobody seemed that interested in the Savage Dragon comic featuring Obama, or even the IDW specials that came out a while back. Is it because it’s Spider-Man? Has the Marvel marketing juggernaut played the media to their satisfaction? Is it because Barack has publicly stated that he likes Spider-Man? Let’s face it, this is a comic that will never be rare because millions of copies will be sold, a second print is already coming out next week. While it may pull in these bizarre, frakked up speculator prices during this week’s news cycle, largely because of a blinded populace being misled by their uneducated perceptions and media hype, let me assure you that all the copies you ever wanted will be available in a dollar bin near you a year from now (right along side that issue of Superman) and nobody will care, much less remember or understand the justification for the frenzy they were in. This is an example of one of the many things wrong with the industry and the public at large’s perception about the medium, the incessant locked horns of commerce vs. art.

I will now go and read the issue of Wasteland I picked up today in an effort to cleanse my soul.

Free Comic Book Day - 2007

I have to admit that I was a little soured on this year's experience, due in large part to the strange practices of my local retailers. I went to what's generally considered the two best stores in the area and I still managed to only get 11 of 43, or 25% of the titles published for this event. The first retailer seemed to order about half of the titles from a quick glance at the table and spinner-racks. But... here's the kicker. You could only take 4 books. That's 4 books. They were actually policing you upon exit. 4 of the 43 free books. That's less than 10%. On Free Comic Book Day. Where all of the titles are intended to be... free. We were limited to just 4. Did I mention you could only take 4? Umm, what? This. Does. Not. Make. Sense.

Hello, the whole point of the damn day is to expose as many people as you can to as many titles as you can in the desperate hope that something will spark their interest and that will subsequently be converted into sustainable readership and a supplemental influx of revenue. For an existing fan like me, I'm already spending money. I might see something else I like and spend even more money, provided I get a no-risk peek at it. For a new fan, I'm not spending money. But I might see something I like and start spending money, again, provided I get a no-risk peak at the materials that exist. Either scenario supports the intent of the day. Give me all of the free books, you know, for *free,* in order to maximize the odds of success on either scenario. This is not that difficult to figure out people. Lesson Learned: Limiting the Free Comics on Free Comic Book Day is completely stupid (assuming you actually want your business to succeed). Fuck, so annoyed with that.

The second retailer we went to did the exact opposite. Huzzah! There was no limit to the number of books you could take! But... come to find out, they didn't order everything. Only the mainstreamy sorta' stuff. So I was basically limited to Spider-Man and the Legion book. No Black Diamond Detective Agency from First Second Publishing, nothing from Drawn & Quarterly, Fantagraphics, or Oni Press. Nothing from Top Shelf or Virgin or any of the other independent publishers. The Astounding Wolf-Man from Image Comics was basically as "alternative" as this retailer was going to get. Sigh. Lesson Learned: Diversity is the key to success, remember depth and breadth. After all that, we just didn't have it in us to go traipsing around to other shops to try and complete our collection of free books. It's been a little goal of mine every FCBD, to get every single title that comes out. This was the first year, since the event began six years ago, that I didn't do it. All due to being worn down and frustrated by unexpected retailer practices. That just bummed me out.

In the past, I could go to one shop and get everything (hello San Francisco Bay Area Comic Book Retailers, I love you! I miss you!). The only reason to go to a second shop was if they'd run out of a title due to overwhelming throngs of people coming in (which I so don't mind in the grand scheme of things) or to check out a sale. And before you even ask, no, neither of the two retailers I went to this year had any type of sales or special events going on. Hello, another missed opportunity. Though I did get to meet Editor-in-Chief Chris Ryall from IDW, but all he did was give me a free Transformers comic, nothing special or extra, same book every other retailer had. Lesson Learned: Free Comics get people into your store. It's up to you as a retailer to get them to spend money. Having a sale or signing or event or something, anything, in conjunction with the event is an easy, easy, easy way to incentivize the process of converting interest to sales. But, I digress...

Overall (from the titles I was able to see anyway!), I liked the increasing diversity of the offerings. There are more publishers than ever jumping in and experimenting with a diversity of titles, reprint material, new material, first debut material, all ages titles, and format.

The Astounding Wolf-Man #1 (Image): I'm a fairly passive Robert Kirkman fan, but this was great. Image played this one right, getting AWM a lot of advanced press coverage. It seemed everyone knew that "Kirkman has a new book out!" and "the first issue is being released on FCBD!" Nice spin on how to leverage the event. And the content does deliver. While there are times that I felt it borrowed from other works (Wayne Manor, Wolvie's healing factor, 1970's Marvel Monster Mahyem, etc.), it was an awesomely fun read, had some really truthful character moments, beautiful Scott McDaniel-ish art, and is taking its time to set up the world, but doesn't sacrifice entertainment for decompression. It also felt really substantial and seemed to be the physically heaviest in my hand, like I was definitely getting my "money's worth." Will definitely be picking up the first couple of issues to see where it goes. So, Image... Kirkman... mission accomplished! Grade A+.

Choose Your Weapon Sampler (TokyoPop): TokyoPop nails this every year and this is no exception. They put together a digest sized trade that would normally retail for $7.99 and offer a nice variety of excerpts from 5 books, yes, for free! They even spell it all out for you, describing shojo and shonen manga and what you're supposed to do next. This is an extremely well thought out package, welcoming to "civilians," and even if all of the stories don't click with you, it's still fun to see the diversity of the line. Other publishers could really learn a thing or two about FCBD by studying the repeatedly strong TokyoPop offerings. It's just smart, smart, smart. Grade A+.

The Black Diamond Detective Agency: The Train Was Bang On Time (First Second): Now this is what I crave from Free Comic Book Day. Nobody has more consistently attractive book designs than First Second Publishing. I love the digest size, the page layouts, the retro design elements, and hell, I probably would have even paid a buck or two for this. It's that nice. Looking at the content, they've got Eddie Campbell here doing a retro Railroad/Old West story that's lush and beautifully rendered artistically and sufficiently intriguing on the scripting end. It clearly leads to a larger work and First Second nails the marketing opportunity with an amazing two page spread of other works complete with prices, mini-reviews, and cover shots. This is how it's done, folks. Grade A+.

The Lone Ranger #0 (Dynamite Entertainment): Captures the tone and spirit of the series, as well as the hard relationship that LR had with his father and his burgeoning relationship with Tonto. Appreciated that it was a done-in-one story, with nothing further required to enjoy it, but left the option to pick up the main series. Well placed advertisement for the upcoming collected edition, and a good smattering of ads for other Dynamite titles. Only two things really hamper this otherwise solid effort from a perfect grade. One, I don't know if this story will be collected in the upcoming hardcover, so it (not for the right reason) became one of the few (only 3 as it turned out) FCBD books I'll be keeping as a one-off. Two, the Battlestar Galactica flip-book portion was total crap, with muddled art that completely does not match the series (looking like something from a bad rendition of The Darkness or Witchblade), with an Asian looking Bill Adama and everyone wearing the same type of glasses. Grade A.

Little Archie #1 (Archie Comics): I've never, ever been a fan of Archie Comics, nor do I really understand the innocent appeal. But, I have to say this book was really well done. It provides a nice intro to all of the main characters, feels appropriately dense, like a "real" comic book, and is just a fun little story. I particularly liked the effort of the double page spread detailing where Camp Riverdale is in relation to Camp Piney Acres and all of the group's little stops along the way. Grade A.

Bongo Comics Free-For-All 2007 (Bongo Comics): Strong offering with a nice blast of different material. In some spots, it works a little too hard for flat humor, but in other spots it downright nails the humor of the show (The Simpsons in particular) with some great one-liners from Chief Wiggum, Ralph, and the proprietor of the Android's Dungeon. Laughed out loud at the ad for a candy bar named Zapp Brannigan's "Captain's Log." Grade A.

The Umbrella Academy (Dark Horse): This offering had a lot going for it. A nice, moody James Jean cover. Gabriel Ba on art (whose pencils look wonderful in color, by the way). And a main story that is an odd blend of BPRD and, I don't know, The Perhapanauts or something. While it looks great and Gerard Way's writing is sorta' clever enough to get from point A to point B, I don't know that another eclectic cast of retro-feeling do-gooders is original enough for me to come back for more. Pantheon City had some nice Geoff Darrow style art, but I wasn't engaged by the writing. ZeroKiller similary had a few nice detailed panels that brought Travis Charest to mind, but the generic post-apocalyptic video game script feel (which seemed to use a little too much influence from Gotham City circa Dark Knight Returns for my taste) didn't help it connect. As a potential new reader, I was also kinda' left in the lurch, not knowing if these were truly one-shot stories, or I could expect to find ongoing series at my retailer in the future. Grade A-.

Walt Disney's Mickey Mouse (Gemstone): I confess I didn't read *all* of the strips here because there were just so many and Mickey strips have never really entertained me thoroughly or sustained my interest for more than a page or two. But, for Mickey fans, there's plenty here, the book feels nice and dense, and I really did like a couple of the classy touches that the publisher provided. One, the dedication to Floyd Gottfredson was very touching... and two, the blurb on the back cover about FCBD and the whole point of what it's supposed to do for the medium was very cool. Grade B+.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2007 (Marvel): Nice to see Marvel line up the resources... a Spidey comic the weekend the movie opens (which sucks royally by the way, seriously, no focus whatsoever, too many villians, too many chics - hello Gwen Stacy, too much retconning with Uncle Ben's killer - hello Sandman surprise, too much singing and dancing - kept waiting for the Bee Gee's "Stayin' Alive" to come on when Peter was nancing his way down the street, avoids the Grade F and lands a Grade D- for the Bruce Campbell scene alone), and then tap Dan Slott and Phil Jimenez (probably one of the best artists "working" on FCBD) to do a new story. Jimenez's art delivers, but some parts of the script I just don't get. Spider-Man quit after Civil War was over? When did that happen? Why? New York is free of crime as a result? Umm, what? Really? So who are all the other heroes fighting in their books?! Overdrive? Really? That's the villain you want to roll with? Ooookay. But why would Spidey throw a Spider-tracer on the cop car and not Overdrive's car itself? Just doesn't make any sense. Are we supposed to believe Jackpot is Mary Jane from her "Tiger" comment? As a casual reader (at best) of Spider-Man, I'm totally confused. With the exception of the last page (with Iron Man encased in webbing), when did Joe Quesada's art get so... "unfinished" looking? Grade B.

Legion of Super-Heroes in the 31st Century #1 (DC): On one hand, it was nice to see DC *finally* use a new kid friendly title for FCBD, not the same tired offerings they've had in the past. On the other hand, this felt really light in terms of content and length, and wasn't so much a story per se, as it was a fairly obvious and overt introduction to some of the main characters. Grade B-.

Transformers Movie Prequel #1 (IDW): The thing that IDW did right here was put out a teaser two months in advance of the movie. From a marketing and organizational werewithal perspective, that was cool to see. Too bad the content couldn't keep up with the solid intent. All I took from this was something about the "AllSpark," some confusion over why some panels were in black & white and some were in full color, and questioning who the hell was who, since all of the robots look alike, with no distinct features, just a sea of joints and lights and panels and parts hammering on eachother. Nice tie-in ads and an editorial note, but otherwise not great. Grade C.

My 13 (Not So) Favorite Things of 2009 (Part 16 of 17)

Sea Donkey: I don’t really want to rehash all of Good Ol’ Sea Donk’s fuck ups this year, but suffice it to say there are certain things successful retailers do, and His Donkeyness doesn’t do very many of those. When I walk into any LCS, I just want a few things. I want it to be clean and well lit. I want it to be organized. I want some depth and breadth of selection. I want some consistency. I want to attend a meaningful sale once in a while. I want the staff to be able to interact with other humans and be fairly knowledgeable about the wares they’re hocking. And when it comes to attitude, I just expect you to be professional and courteous and appreciative of the fact that I am handing you my money, when I could easily be giving it to another. The demeanor you display should reassure me that you actually willingly chose this as a profession and are trying to sustain a profitable business endeavor, it should not give me the impression that customer service is a lost art, that creating as many fire code violations as possible is your true calling, or that you were just a guy with a stained Warrant t-shirt two sizes too small who had 10 long boxes full of ROM: Space Knight and Warriors of Plasm, thought it’d be so damn cool to have a place to hang out, and now you’re stuck doing something you really don’t like and aren’t very good at in the first place. This behavior wouldn’t fly anywhere else, my friend. If you worked for me in any of the jobs I’ve ever had and brought that same disgruntled befuddled ennui to the table, that general penchant for caca, I’d have fired you long ago. No second chances, no confusing effort with results, no government bailout, do not pass go, do not collect $200 for that dodgy Emma Frost bust, no more swindling old ladies for Amazing Spider-Man #583, no more cluttering up my planet with bent up cardboard cutouts of Edward & Bella, and no more overpriced Admiral Ackbar Mighty Muggs – just vacuum the floor, open on time, give me my fucking copy of Wasteland #25 on the day it’s supposed to come out, smile, say thanks, and carry on, oh diligent shopkeeper – it’s survival of the fittest, pure capitalism at work, and the retarded antics of your perpetual Sea Donkey Dance of Retailing Destruction just ain’t cuttin’ it. My greatest fear is that I’ll become so conditioned to this behavior that it will normalize, that I’ll be so close to it as to lose my objectivity. The absurdity will be so normal, I’ll no longer find it absurd. I’ll be just like those Romero-inspired zombies, lurching toward the 1970’s strip mall every Wednesday blind to what’s wrong and what’s become of me. Please don’t let that be my fate…

The X-Titles Flounder: After enjoying the first arc of X-Force, I was happy to accept it as a little guilty pleasure. The book had many detractors, but I thought Chris Yost and Craig Kyle managed a fun cast, decent action, and could occasionally turn a clever phrase in the dialogue department. Clayton Crain had zero fans from what I could tell, but I defended his dark murky style as consistent with the book’s morally flexible subject matter; and even the fill-in artists grew on me eventually. Where it all started to go south was when I found myself actually excited about the Messiah War crossover with Cable, wherein Bishop hunts Cable and Hope in the future, as X-Force is sent in by Scott to aid them, complete with a Deadpool appearance. Oh, what the hell was I thinking? And now it’s X-Necrosha? Are you kidding me? Did I get sucked back into 1992 for the X-Cutioner’s Song? Stupid me for thinking otherwise, but not only was there absolutely zero forward plot motion or resolution with the crossover, but the book really lost direction after that. I quickly dropped it, disgusted with myself for falling for the ruse, and it’s been relegated to my non-essential quarter bin list. Next up in the franchise that couldn’t get it together was Astonishing X-Men. After Joss Whedon and John Cassaday’s legendary run, Warren Ellis is announced as the new series writer, along with Simone Bianchi on pencils. This is one of those creative teams that sounds wonderful on paper, but ultimately they created an utterly skippable arc that was of no consequence whatsoever, and its lateness rendered it egregiously out of sync with the rest of the X-Titles. On top of it all, though several issues of the main title were late, they of course managed to spunk out an overpriced non-essential spin-off mini-series amid the debacle. So far, the arc with Phil Jimenez has been marginally better, but judging from what’s out they’re still being phoned in and devoid of any of that “special” Jossy Cassawhedon feeling. The last, and perhaps most painful, stumble in the trinity of derailed X-Books has become Uncanny X-Men. Early issues with Pixie gave some hope, but I feel that Fraction has lost focus and will be unable to machete his way out of the jungle, attempting to juggle far too many characters, an unwieldy web of plot threads, and decades of convoluted continuity. Unfortunately, he’s being assisted by nothing but forced crossovers and at least one artist who would rather trace copies of Jessica Alba and Sawyer from Lost out of Entertainment Weekly than actually compose a decent string of those boxy square things (or whatever those shapes are called that you’re supposed to know how to tell a story with). It’s been a slow, lazy spiral toward the drain, with occasional bursts of brilliance and beauty like Uncanny X-Men #512 with Yanick Paquette on pencils, depicting Beast and the Science Team’s time-jumping adventures. That pleasant anomaly aside, we’re headed toward the waste water treatment plant and it teeters on the fence for me, wanting to justifiably pull the plug for reasons of quality, but hanging on with continued purchases out of sheer blind momentum.

Comic Foundry Goes Bust: Tim Leong and Laura Hudson created a much needed periodical that occupied a vacuum in the differentiated market space somewhere between the erudition of The Comics Journal and the 8th grade fart and boob humor of Wizard Magazine. I never got that final issue that Tim Leong promised, which actually felt like the perfect denouement to a sadly missed opportunity for niche market exploitation. Perhaps it’s emblematic of the larger socioeconomic conditions of the country we’re presently experiencing, namely the rapid elimination of the middle class. It seems that there is no tolerance for the middle ground any longer; you can either be ultra-wealthy and take baths in Cristal and Beluga, immune to all market fluctuations – or toil away with two incomes, but still struggle to make the mortgage payment, ultimately living on the streets marinating in your own blend of cat piss and spicy “beef” grease from .99 cent Jack in the Box tacos. Comic Foundry was that middle class periodical aimed at the learned every man, yet sadly our market conditions led to no man actually purchasing it, or even being marginally aware of its existence, despite big pushes with free copies at SDCC and some really stellar writing and interviewing. Oh, Comic Foundry. We’ll always have that Jonathan Lethem interview that led me back to Omega: The Unknown. And I still think the Matt Fraction “Undercover” issue was priceless. Sigh.

Amazing Spider-Man #583 & All It Symbolizes: So yeah, what’s with the weird speculator crap seeping back in to the market? It sure seems like there are a lot of variant covers, “special” issues with artificially inflated prices, overhyped interest, renumbering tricks to get maximum sell through, and just lame ass gimmicks. Green Lantern Rings? Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me? What, are we in 4th Grade still? If you keep buying it, they’ll keep making it. Vote with your wallets, people. 1992 called and it wanted the lesson you were already supposed to have learned back.

I Shouldn’t Complain, but Paul Pope… did not produce Battling Boy, nor was the whispered “Total THB” ever published. True, we did see his contributions in Wednesday Comics and Strange Tales, but I’ve always felt that his creator owned work was a lot more interesting aesthetically and thematically. Both of these books were in fact announced by First Second Publishing (as long out as two years ago on “Total THB"), who indicated they’d see the light of day some time in 2009, and then… everything went dark. It was like I was watching Run Silent Run Deep, or one of those other classic submarine movies where the sailors nervously look around at each other as they dive further into the deep trying to avoid the looming depth charges. I suppose art takes time and that I should be thankful for the awesome Adam Strange story that largely made Wednesday Comics for me, but damn if it’s hard not to be greedy and feel like the ultimate First Second Pulp Hope c--k tease was in effect this year. BONUS: First Second never got around to publishing The Wrenchies by Farel Dalrymple either. Sigh.

Expectations Not Met: There were a few titles that just didn’t live up to my hopes right out of the gate. After just killing it with The Lone Ranger, I was eagerly anticipating Buck Rogers from Dynamite Entertainment, and it just… sat there. The art was mediocre at best, and the storytelling just felt like a severely watered down version of Fear Agent. It was so boring. Next up was Greek Street from Peter Milligan and Davide Gianfelice for DC/Vertigo. I like watching Gianfelice get all Eduardo Risso and draw boobs, incest, and a bunch of gangsters doing a bunch of gangster shit as much as the next guy, but Milligan’s script just didn’t feel as focused as it could have, stretching the underlying premise a bit too far. I wasn’t quite able to get a foothold on the story. I enjoyed Jeff Lemire’s Essex County Trilogy, but The Nobody OGN and Sweet Tooth (even priced at $1) both left me cold. James Robinson’s run on JLA began with a teased image featuring Mon-El, Dick Grayson as Batman, and Donna Troy. Well, as interesting as that sounds, uhh yeah, those people aren’t even in the book. Instead, you get Vixen, Gypsy, and Red Tornado co-opted into the Blackest Night crossover. Whatever. I’m sure the direction and intent should generally be “make JLA better” or “it should be the cornerstone of the DCU,” but a goal without a plan is just a hope. They’re repeating all the mistakes of the past, bogging writers down in crossovers before a title can even get off the ground. Hope is flickering away. Additionally, there were some titles that started strong, but sort of fizzled. Batman & Robin could really do no wrong provided Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely’s names were on the cover, but then you go and screw up the equation. God love Philip Tan, but following Frank Quitely isn’t any kind of fun for anyone. Morrison also made a big splash with a second volume of Seaguy, but the buzz on that either never began or was over so quickly that I must have been absent that day on the interwebs. Neil Gaiman threw his hat into the ring with the Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? two-parter, the first of which I dug, the second felt like a completely different creative team and was a bit of an ambitious dud.

Late, Stalled, Delayed, Postponed, On Hiatus: Well, the good news was that Planetary finally wrapped with issue #27 coming out. The bad news? It happened 10 years after the first issue. That’s an average of, let’s see, four, carry the one, two point five, square root of seven, decimal there, ahem… 2.7 issues per year, not counting specials. Wow. Yeah, keep holding your breath for the fourth trade paperback, fourth hardcover, and then that second Absolute Edition. Moving on, remember Jonathan Hickman’s Image work? Yeah, every single one of those mini-series ran late, The Nightly News, Pax Romana, Transhuman, and remember something called Red Mass for Mars? Oh, is this book still being published? Yeah, I think so. The last issue came out in October of 2008 and it’s still not done. It’s a 4 issue mini-series. Awesome. Elsewhere, I tuned out by issue three or so, but we also got the last installment of The End League almost two years after it began. Bounce with me… after some “restructuring” at Archaia Studios Press – aka: ASP, err… is it just Archaia now(?), why are there two web-sites still up(?), hello, is this thing on(?) – Jacamon and Matz’s The Killer finally concluded with issue #10 after a several month delay. Now all we need is that second hardcover and I can stop being annoyed. Finally, what happened to Jim Rugg and Brian Maruca’s quintessential blaxploitation missive Afrodisiac? I was eagerly anticipating their biting sociological observations that manage to capture the ludicrous, the hypocritical, the sacred, and the profane nature of some of the stereotyping it plays around with. I wanted to include this book in my list of favorites; surely it would have been on the list judging from previous output, but it disappeared. It was announced, solicited, posted on AdHouse Books’ web-site as a “December 2009” release for months, and then was a ghostly no-show as the clock drained on 2009. Is everything actually late and delayed and stalled, or does it just happen to be the books that I’m specifically interested in which seem to go MIA? What a hassle.

Warren Ellis… was a bit of a “miss” this year for me, though I still like to play with this occasionally. By my totally subjective non-scientific personal arsebiscuit guesstimation, he only “hit” about 40% of the time. True, while Ellis’ 40% is more enjoyable than most writers’ 100%, it was unsettling to have one of the go-to creators not deliver as reliably as he may have in the past. I’ve enjoyed Black Summer, No Hero, and despite Supergod starting pretty strong (though I am bummed that Juan Jose Ryp is not on art chores to complete the triptych), it ultimately got trade-waited. On the other hand, Ignition City, Freakangels, Hotwire, and the aforementioned Astonishing X-Men all left me cold. Some of these titles had fun moments, but in search of a good meal, they felt a bit like eating cotton candy, leaving me hollow with empty calories and ultimately unsatisfied. Oh, and Frankenstein’s Womb? Well, it was certainly no Aetheric Mechanics. Hell, it’s wasn’t even as good as Crecy.

9.02.09 Reviews (Part 2)

Invincible Iron Man #17 (Marvel): Welcome back to the consistently best ongoing series Marvel currently has to offer. Matt Fraction and Salvador Larroca have been quietly deconstructing Tony Stark (quite literally at times) for months now and it’s amazing to see them tear him down in karmic retribution for the Skrull debacle. Hopefully we’ll also get to see the team rebuild him in upcoming arcs. For now, they revisit the ingenious email communication idea, only to see Tony use it incorrectly, which is a fantastic bit of plotting that’s paid off. Though there is some overlap with the broader sweep of Dark Reign, and we see great characterization for folks like Maria Hill, Black Widow, Madame Masque, Captain America, and Norman Osborn (as informed by Warren Ellis in Thunderbolts), Iron Man has essentially been a self-contained story since it’s inception, and I really appreciate that amid all of the other event hoo-ha in the Marvel U. We’re getting all of the benefits of a shared universe, without any of the continuity baggage or superfluous crossover porn. It’s a perfect balance, great characters, clever technology, entertaining action, no glaring holes in the logic, and even a couple instances of dialogue homage to The Hunt For Red October. Grade A-.

Strange Tales #1 (Marvel): In the Modern Age, Marvel isn’t exactly known for the strength of their anthologies, so I’m wondering why they chose to release this now? I hope it’s not their answer to Wednesday Comics, because while some of the strips are entertaining, it just can’t compete at that level for long. Nick Bertozzi’s opening Uatu story is like a shot across the bow that instantly sets the tone for the book. Lines like “jiggling voluptuous chaos that is the human female form” and She-Hulk’s “proud firm buttocks fidget and dance” is just about all you need to know. Grade A. Paul Pope’s Inhumans story is a tongue-in-cheek romp that works well if you’re into something like Joe Casey’s Godland. Annihilus spouting lines like “you have permission to grovel” coupled with Pope’s trademark pencils make for a diverting tale. His rendition of Psycho-Man is quite Kirby-esque and I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of him drawing sultry, curvy, full-lipped women like Medusa. I was sort of hoping for something with a little more gravitas, but apparently that’s not what this whole thing is about. Grade A. John Leavitt and Molly Crabapple absolutely nail a Victorian aesthetic with Jennifer Walter’s Wedding. I wasn’t really that taken with the story, but it was a treat to look at. Grade B+. Spider-Town from Junko Mizuno employs flat humor and a manga influenced art style, but ultimately goes nowhere. Grade C. Dash Shaw’s Dr. Strange was one I was looking forward to and he really captures the psychedelic era that spawned the title. Grade B+. James Kochalka’s Hulk story was… boring. I don’t get it. I’m actually not a huge fan of Kochalka’s work. Nor am I a fan of Hulk. So, obviously this strip wasn’t for me. Grade C. Johnny Ryan’s Marvel’s Most Embarrassing Moments made me smile. Grade B. Johnny Ryan’s Punisher goes nowhere. Grade C. Michael Kupperman’s Punisher story joins the “goes nowhere” ranks with a Grade C. Peter Bagge’s Incorrigible Hulk was very funny, well drawn with plenty of flourish and detail, and includes some sly social commentary along the way; Bagge’s clearly having fun here. “It violate Hulk’s Civil Liberties! I violate yours!” and “Slutty girl not afraid of Hulk?” are some favorite lines. Grade A. Nick Bertozzi’s M.O.D.O.K. quickly becomes an existential struggle, examining M.O.D.O.K.’s hopes and dreams through the ages. The great detail in the miniscule figures and deadpan humor all heighten the reading experience greatly. Grade A. Nicholas Gurewitch (The Perry Bible Fellowship) offers up two very quick vignettes that are basically one-liner jokes. Grade B. Jason’s Spider-Man story is over quick, has no time to develop (which is something his work usually needs), and ultimately falls flat. Perhaps it’s my loathing of Spider-Man, but despite my love of Jason’s creator-owned work, this is a Grade B-. I really did expect more gravitas from this book, I didn’t know it was all going to be humor, but considering the creators I guess I should have. It just feels like it’s ultimately of no consequence. It appears that Pope’s Inhumans, Bagge’s Incorrigible Hulk, and Bertozzi’s M.O.D.O.K were designed to be the main focus, since they are the longest and strongest of the bunch. And that’s fine with me since they were my favorites. At a $4.99 price point, we average out at a Grade C+. I’m inclined to weight the scoring somewhat since the good strips were a bit longer than the duds, so let’s go with a generous Grade B-.

Wednesday Comics #9 (DC): Batman uses some nice visual callbacks to The Dark Knight Returns, but in the end the dialogue (story?) is not terribly engaging. I’m realizing that I just like looking at the art here. Grade B. Kamandi is more text heavy than usual this time out, but it’s still gorgeous, particularly the long wide panels like the one of the White House in ruins. Grade A. Superman offers a sudden data dump that has nothing to do with anything. The story is awful and the only redeeming quality was the design of the energy crackle being used as panel gutters. Grade C+. Deadman (as are all the strips) is ¾ of the way through and I still have no idea what’s going on. I’m kinda’ thinking that’s a problem. I do like that all the women look like Darwyn Cooke drew them. Grade C. Green Lantern solidly captures the spirit of the property. I love how Hal’s suit hangs on him like realistic clothing and doesn’t appear painted on, as so many superhero costumes seem to. Nicely paced with a great cliffhanger, Grade B. Metamorhpho: Oh, it’s the other half of the Periodic Table of Elements. It turns out that was one time too many. If I have to sit through another Java gag, I might just gouge my eyes out with a dull rusty spoon. Grade C-. Teen Titans: When Wednesday Comics has run its course, I’m going to cut all these panels out and then rearrange them to see if I can make this story make any sense. Grade D. Strange Adventures: It’s really all worth it if I keep getting panels like that very last one with Adam Strange. Grade A. Supergirl seems to have returned to its norm after a couple of standout issues. There’s lots of Dr. Mid-Nite exposition without any of the funny I was enjoying. Looks great, but reads dull. Grade B. Metal Men now feels like the identical strip has run for about the last six issues or so. Someone yells at Pretorious and then some metal jokes are attempted. Grade C-. Wonder Woman made me think that some of the panels were actually neat, check out the big red one with the inset circle. However, I still can’t get past 3 panels without my eyes glazing over. Grade C-. Sgt. Rock wins the award for being most consistent, Grade B+. The Flash is a crafty and inventive thing of beauty that expressively provides homage to the Sunday Strips of Old. A higher grade than Paul Pope? WTF?! Grade A+. Demon & Catwoman made me literally say to myself: “Now what was this all about again? Hey, there’s The Demon. That’s Catwoman, I guess(?) Oh, it’s over now.” Grade D. Hawkman relies on a little too much Dr. Ian Malcolm and feels short on story, but is still breathtaking visually. Grade A-. Once again, let’s build our visual ranking and see what’s what;

The Flash
Strange Adventures
Kamandi
Hawkman
Sgt. Rock
Green Lantern
Batman
Supergirl
Superman
Deadman
Wonder Woman
Metamorpho
Metal Men
Teen Titans
Demon & Catwoman

What we’re seeing is the continuation of a dynamic I described previously – a thin(ning) top tier, a rapidly dissipating middle tier, and a heavily weighted bottom tier. We’ve got 27% at the top, 27% in the middle, and a whopping 46% at the bottom. The Flash made a surprise jump which helped, the usual top three (Strange Adventures, Kamandi, and Hawkman) didn’t budge, and some middling items either held on or slipped to the bottom. Overall, the grades average out to a slightly-down-from-last-week 67%, or Grade D+, with an adjustment up for format to Grade C+.

4.09.08 Reviews (Part 1)

Suburban Glamour #4 (Image): Astrid has to be one of the most endearing characters ever created; the opening shot of her unsure, but playful demeanor is priceless. There’s a fair amount of action to be had here, I only wish that it had been spread a little more evenly amongst the preceding issues. McKelvie’s art remains breathtaking and looks brilliant in full color. Between this title and things like the recent Transhuman by Jonathan Hickman, it feels like Image Comics is back in a big way. More like this, please. Grade B+.

Amazing Spider-Man #556 (Marvel): I’m so pleasantly surprised to finally have found a Spider-Man comic that I can enjoy! Chris Bachalo’s art has never looked cleaner. It’s refreshing to behold his borderless panels that provide a contemporary and experimental feel to a well explored property. Zeb Wells’ has created an introspective tone to Peter Parker’s narrative which provides a darker, more in despair feel than the irresponsible doofus that I’ve always hated in Peter. He’s actually likable here! Wells and Bachalo are crafting up a slow-burn thriller here, and it’s a testament to their combined abilities that it’s so intriguing when the titular character doesn’t even appear in half the book. Grade B+.

BPRD: 1946 #4 (Dark Horse): This is my favorite issue of this mini-series to date; it hummed with a manic energy that seemed a bit lacking with prior installments. While this did remind me of the way Spielberg sort of endlessly demonizes the Nazi regime, it was a very compelling character arc to see a crisis of conscience as the officer considers his fate as “a stain on the human race.” There were chilling moments, the rich presence of Varvara, and a lot of intrigue to be had with the fall of (occult) Berlin. Grade B+.

Soleil Sampler (Marvel): For formatting alone, this sampler plate of Marvel’s new joint venture with an adults only European publisher, deserves high praise. The layouts are clean, there’s nice interviews with the creators, bios are included, and it’s free! Sky Doll is perhaps the weakest of the offerings; cute art with no real plot to speak of, checking in with a Grade C. Universal War One is perhaps the most promising of the lot; I really enjoyed the compact small scale art which has a clean Cassaday or Charest feel to it, Grade A-. Samurai gives us yet another depiction of feudal Japan, which is a setting that’s really been mined to death, but the art compensates with some unique panel designs and a Geoff Darrow level of detail that will have to compete with ASP’s Okko to gain my attention. For now, Grade B+. Lastly, Scourge of the Gods boasts an interesting premise, but the execution is mismatched; there’s some amazing art that reminds me of Simone Bianchi in spots with its beautiful brown hues, but the story feels dense and dialogue heavy to slog through, Grade B. Overall, this averages out to about... hell, I don’t know… but intuitively it feels like about a Grade B+.

Serenity: Better Days #2 (Dark Horse): It’s frustratingly interesting to me that I remember my review of issue one better than I remember the actual contents of issue one. That sort of proves the point I made about this being inconsequential lost episodes of the show that are not nearly as strong aesthetically as the film versions. I will say that Will Conrad is very effective at telling a visual story with little to no dialogue – just check out the panels that show the wish fulfillment of some of the characters. That aside, there are some rough jump cuts that make me question the setting, and overall this feels like a meager copy of a copy of a copy… Grade B-.

Titans #1 (DC): The scattered vignettes serve as basic character introductions, but nevertheless feel disjointed with no story thread connecting them. If I didn’t already know these characters, they wouldn’t function as effective character profiles either. The depictions of Starfire, Raven, and Donna Troy are nothing short of a crapdiculous boobfest, and I can’t figure out who’s supposed to be strung up on the tree since he’s never mentioned by name. Killing everyone who’s ever been a Titan is an unoriginal story concept, these certainly aren’t definitive iterations of any character, in six months time this issue will not be memorable, and the whole debacle is pretty juvenile. Grade C-.

3.26.08 Reviews

All Star Superman #10 (DC): Grant Morrison delivers his usual imaginative and dramatic script as the “last will and testament” of the Man of Tomorrow begins to play out. There are so many rich ideas embedded here, one that jumped out was the notion that if Superman has truly achieved his destiny of showing man at his best, and representing that futuristic ideal, then the true test is if the world becomes a better place in the wake of his departure. Morrison is able to deliver these thought provoking concepts, as well as more comedic parody, such as the way Lois (love how Quitely draws her!) confesses that she places herself in damsel-in-distress type situations merely to get Kal-El’s attention. The creators also exhibit a fun sci-fi sensibility, as with the ultimate disposition of Kandor. They offer metatextual commentary with the seeding of Earth Q. There’s no end to what this creative team is capable of and the many aspects they can simultaneously juggle. This is not just fun and engaging, it’s not just well-balanced, it is perfect. This may be the most intelligent Superman comic of all time. Grade A+.

Transhuman #1 (Image): Initially, I was a bit concerned that Jonathan Hickman might be stretching himself too thin already. Pax Romana hasn’t been wrapped, Red Mass for Mars is now basically months late, and here we go with Transhuman. Those fears were quickly put to rest. I was on board with this book from the very first page, which lends a very E! True Hollywood Story sort of vibe to the whole endeavor. Hickman’s typical bold story idea and strong core premise benefits greatly here from JM Ringuet’s more traditional artistic approach to page layouts. I enjoyed Hickman's experimental graphic design immensely on previous works, but this makes for a much more accessible reading experience. We’ve got everything from playful jabs at the X-Men to some brilliant analysis of market shifts and the competing paradigms of science, business, and consumerism. Speaking as a refugee from high-tech Silicon Valley, Hickman’s scripts can also be analogized to the rise and fall of many corporations. Aided by JM Ringuet’s visceral detail and style (reminiscent in spots of Brett Weldele), this may be Hickman’s true breakout book. Grade A.

Dan Dare #5 (Virgin): I realized that I really only like Garth Ennis’ writing when he’s dealing with militaristic, warfare, historical, procedural jargon. I actually don’t dig his sci-fi concepts. Thankfully, this issue is mostly centered on the former. Erskine drops a nice “Ministry of Space” cookie into the bookshelf and Dare’s “old man’s talk” was quite moving with a sense of melancholy from a character who may have just realized, in the aftermath of his friend’s death, that he’s outlived his time. You could argue that bits of this story are derivative of Independence Day or even Han’s fate on Bespin, but those nitpicks are mostly overshadowed by a gripping conversation with Christian about what’s right and wrong, and the decision-making process required of those who are leaders of men. Grade B+.

New Avengers #39 (Marvel): When did Maya and Logan hook up? Did I miss an issue of something? So, this issue goes a little something like this. Maya: “Cap’s dead. Are we going to just sit around and do nothing? Are we just waiting for Skrulls?” Logan: “I’m Logan. I’m cool, and I know stuff.” Maya then proceeds to fight a Skrully dupe of herself which sounds like this for a few pages: “Oof! Naagh! Nguuk… No! CRACK! BAMF!” The End. I mean, it’s always good to see David Mack working. And I did enjoy the convo between Hawkeye and Maya. It was a good lesson in things being relative and it was just a cute scene. That aside, there just wasn’t much there there. When the most exciting thing to me is the ad for Amazing Spider-Man #555 with Zeb Wells and Chris Bachalo, I feel something is amiss. Or Bendis is just writing for the trade. Grade B.

My 13 Favorite Things of 2009: Summary (Part 17 of 17)

My 13 Favorite Things

Wasteland (Oni Press): “Holding this brick of fiction in your hands you realize at long last that the scale and gravitas of the object delighting your senses finally tangibly reflects the scale of the immense writing talent that spawned it. Yup, big ideas belong in big books.”

Echo (Abstract Studio): “If you want to understand how to make effective comic books in every aspect of their production, watch Terry Moore a while, and look no further than Echo.”

Invincible Iron Man (Marvel): "Yeah, I think I just said that Matt Fraction is the Jamie Foxx of comic books, whatever the fuck that means.”

Scalped (DC/Vertigo): “I’ve been saying all along that I want to see this on HBO. It’s no slam against our beloved comic book medium, it’s simply a testament to the fact that Scalped is deserving of a more widespread audience, one in the millions and not the tens of thousands.”

The Hot Breath of War (Sparkplug Comics): "My personal desire to see more of his work has only emboldened with this divergent tale that disproves the artistic notion of a sophomore slump.”

A Drifting Life (Drawn & Quarterly): "Tatsumi is that rare artist who doesn’t preach a message, but invites you to consider your own thoughts about whatever subject matter he’s become fascinated and inspired by, and that process lends a timeless and enduring quality to his work.”

Northlanders (DC/Vertigo): “It is poised to redefine the genre.”

Detective Comics (DC): “This is mainstream superhero comics at its finest.”

Dark Reign: Zodiac (Marvel): “We should have all paid more attention to this quiet little coup d’etat. Because these guys? These guys are the future.”

Wednesday Comics (DC): “There were sure hits (Strange Adventures), and sure blunders (Teen Titans), and noble failures somewhere in between (Wonder Woman), but like Solo before it, the project conceptually was brilliant and should be encouraged.”

Asterios Polyp (Pantheon): “It’ll probably go down as a, if not the, book of the year when everyone’s lists are finally submitted and the larger meta-lists are tabulated.”

Aya: The Secrets Come Out (Drawn & Quarterly): “If inherent quality of craft were the true driver of fame and success, then the multi-part saga of Aya should catapult these creators to stardom, or at the very least – prolific future projects and enhanced recognition at the Eisner Awards.”

Abhay Khosla’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula: “If that doesn’t make any sense, it’s because Khosla’s writing isn’t just on another level, it’s from an entirely different dimension, and I don’t possess the critical vocabulary necessary to explain it, much less deconstruct its origins or articulate why it’s so successful in execution.”

Honorable Mentions

Driven by Lemons (AdHouse Books): “If only it were a bit more accessible, like its great forerunner Skyscrapers of the Midwest.”

3 Story: The Secret History of the Giant Man (Dark Horse): “Bottom line, pretty frickin’ good, but not quite the intricate achievements that I felt 2 Sisters or especially the superb Super Spy were.”

I Am Legion (DDP/Humanoids): “It won’t be remembered as one of Cassaday’s most popular books, but it is certainly one of his best.”

The Lone Ranger (Dynamite Entertainment): “It’s one of the best examples of a book whose narrative momentum and ultimate greatness is hampered by the floppy serialized format and would function better as a series of OGN’s.”

Luna Park (DC/Vertigo): “Kevin Baker’s debut work in the comic book industry remains a flawed, but deeply engaging read.”

Special Prize

JLA: Cry for Justice (DC): “It was so bad, it was good.”

My (Not So) Favorite Things

Sea Donkey: “If you worked for me in any of the jobs I’ve ever had and brought that same disgruntled befuddled ennui to the table, that general penchant for caca, I’d have fired you long ago.”

The X-Titles Flounder: “It’s been a slow, lazy spiral toward the drain, with occasional bursts of brilliance and beauty like Uncanny X-Men #512 with Yanick Paquette.”

Comic Foundry Goes Bust: “Oh, Comic Foundry. We’ll always have that Jonathan Lethem interview that led me back to Omega: The Unknown.”

Amazing Spider-Man #583 & All It Symbolizes: “1992 called and it wanted the lesson you were already supposed to have learned back.”

I Shouldn’t Complain, but Paul Pope…: “I suppose art takes time and that I should be thankful for the awesome Adam Strange story that largely made Wednesday Comics for me, but damn if it’s hard not to be greedy and feel like the ultimate First Second Pulp Hope c--k tease was in effect this year.”

Expectations Not Met: “There were a few titles that just didn’t live up to my hopes right out of the gate.”

Late, Stalled, Delayed, Postponed, On Hiatus: “Oh, is this book still being published?”

Warren Ellis: “By my totally subjective non-scientific personal arsebiscuit guesstimation, he only “hit” about 40% of the time.”

That, my friends, is 2009 in a nutshell according to 13 Minutes. As I write this, I’ve also just surpassed a personal web traffic milestone. 13 Minutes typically ranges anywhere from 5,000 to 7,000 hits per month, with occasional spikes from things like an Antony Johnston tweet or a link from a CBR article. This month, it was the perfect storm; the combination of people’s love of searching for lists and my end of the year “Favorite 13” posts, my conversation with Ryan Claytor about the relationship between creators and critics, a well-timed tweet from Brian Wood regarding a Northlanders review, and plenty of referral hits from Poopsheet Foundation, which all conspired to push 13 Minutes over the 10,000 hit mark for the first time ever. I thought that was a pretty cool way to end the year and wanted to take a moment to say thanks to everyone who visits. See you next year!

5.30.12 Reviews

The Spider #1 (Dynamite Entertainment): The publisher rushed out a second printing of this book after it “sold out” (which is a bit of verbal trickery publishers use to push meaningless hyperbolic press releases indicating that their deliberately low print run of 5,000 initial copies were all gobbled up by the Diamond Monopoly™ to fill orders placed by retailers – the real customers in the direct market – so now be astounded at the popularity of their wares that they must print again (huzzah!) to fill more of those same LCS orders they couldn't accurately compute the first time around, completely regardless of what the end consumer is or isn’t actually purchasing). You see, in this model, the supply has precious little to do with demand. It’s a fantastic bit of smoke and mirrors created by the final order cut-off and (non-)return policies permissible in this dog-choker of a supply chain. I think this totally upends classical supply and demand Keynesian Economics, but you probably didn’t come here for an undergraduate crash course in Econ 101. Dynamite has published exactly one (1) book that I enjoyed before; I stuck with Brett Matthews (screenwriter turned comic book writer, Joss Whedon disciple from the Firefly era) and Sergio Cariello for all 20-some issues of The Lone Ranger. It was dope. It had voice. It looked slick. The Spider was getting ALL KINDS of buzz online, to the point that I felt like I was missing out on something. I wanted to sit at the cool kids table too. And it sure is hard to resist those clean John Cassaday covers; he’s one of my favorite artists working today, though I do wish he’d just jump on an ongoing title instead of turning in that lucrative cover work. How dare he take the higher-paying flashier job and make my enjoyment of interiors suffer! See how commerce and art are two competing paradigms continually at odds? If you’re sensing a “but” in all this, then your Spider-Sense, your Spydar, your Comic Fu, is indeed strong. There’s a pretty egregious typo about a third of the way into the book that yanked me right out. This is about the time I started noticing the totally illogical panel layouts and contradictory lines. For example, the panel where some douche cop is looking at the protagonist through the hole of his handcuffs was one of the most awkward layouts I’ve seen in a while. It was an attempt to do something stylish and different, but it just failed. It didn’t make sense, didn’t flow, and makes you overtly aware of the derailing craft. Ars Est Celare Artem. That’s a Latin phrase The Old Masters used which means “The Art is To Hide The Art.” If your audience becomes overtly aware of craft, then you’ve effectively broken the fourth wall and interrupted the all consuming experience that “good art” is supposed to temporarily induce. This is what you get for paying attention to a blogger who works in a museum, and I try to reconcile Fine Art principles with a blatant Batman knock-off. The creative team does all sorts of things to distract you from that, but at the end of the day, that’s essentially all it is. The guy is the son of wealthy philanthropic industrialists, he’s a vigilante with gadgets, has a relationship with cops and network of covert supporters despite the public at large considering him a menace in a crime-ridden Gothamesque city, and goes around shooting people with web guns. Batman, meet Spider-Man. And before anyone tries to Nerd Court me, yeah, I know the book is based on the 1930’s pulp character of the same name, so you could probably argue Batman stole from this character, but it’s not like modern audiences are going to appreciate that sequence. You need to deviate harder for this to be a true reimaging for a modern audience (see the aforementioned The Lone Ranger from Dynamite, which was true to the spirit of the original, but not a rote by the numbers recreation that played this dated). Sure, it’s in an alternate reality NYC where dirigibles fill the sky. Cool. Sure, they try to go against type and make the “Commissioner Gordon” character fully aware of The Spider’s true identity. Sure, they insert a love interest who also knows his identity. Sure, they try to create a sympathetic minority character; but when you name the Sikh guy “Singh” that’s about one step away from naming the Chinese guy “Hop-Sing,” the Italian guy “Guido,” or giving the Korean guy the last name of (there’s only two choices, right?) “Lee” or “Kim.” On second thought, (Mental Note) using "Kato" as a comparison probably would have sold that last sentence more effectively. That contradictory dialogue I mentioned involves a scene where former flame invites protagonist up to meet her new husband (assumably for the first time, “he’d love to meet you,” etc.) amid a flirtatious “we both want to fuck, but know we shouldn’t” undercurrent. Flip over a couple pages and it’s obvious that protagonist already knows new husband, because they work together. It doesn’t make any sense at all. If the prior scene is some type of flashback, there’s no signpost for it, and it plays totally linear and chronological. It’s just dumb. Yet another example involves protagonist voice-overing that he's divulged his vigilantism to former flame, but a mere 4 pages later he explains that Ram Singh is *the only* one who knows his secret. Huh? Hello, does Dynamite have editors that, y'know, edit? The entire project is also steeped in that annoyingly over-used voice-over noir narration about a hard man on even harder streets. Blah, blah, I have my own moral code, The Concrete Jungle, drizzly streets, The Hooker With a Heart of Gold, it’s Mickey Spillane’s classic Private Dick archetype, and it’s so, so, so tired because we’ve seen it literally 576,899 times now. Ed Brubaker has been hybridizing this noir pulp thing meets superhero riff for something like 10 years. I didn’t like it when he first introduced it, and I like it even less when we get a sea of endless copycats. The art is also very photo-referenced, to the point that it’s distracting. One guy looks like Elvis, another guy might be Taylor Lautner, and one of the cops might have even been cribbed straight from Batman’s own Detective Harvey Bullock. You can play with familiar tropes to achieve new results and provide meta-commentary (see the amazing Danger Club over at Image Comics), but there’s a fine line between reference on that end, to homage in the middle, to blatant swipe on this end of the spectrum. So, don’t believe the hype. The cool kids aren’t eating anything different than what you have at your table. The cool kids are also never as cool as your fantasy would lead you to believe. The reality hardly ever lives up to the fantasy. I don’t believe there’s anything that special here. The book totally violates the tell vs. show rule and dumps some history on us too, by the time the zombie vampires show up at the end (I’m not even making that part up), I realized that every other reviewer on teh internets seems to have fallen for a conglomeration of clichés and stock characters cobbled together to make them believe they were seeing something wholly original, or at least coming at familiar tropes with a fresh spin. But, let me repeat, Bruce Wayne has web-shooters. Oh, but there are blimps in the noir sky so I guess it’s wildly inventive? What’s next? A book called “The Bat,” starring a Peter Parker clone driving a tricked out car called the… Bat… Mobile…? Maybe if you spell it “Bat-Mobile” with a hyphen that will be different? Or maybe criminals killed his parents and it fuels his life choices? Yeah, just make him a war hero and that will be “different enough.” Usually mediocre books are the hardest to review. If you love something, you can gush at will over it and espouse its virtues. If you hate a book, you can usually trash it to the ends of the Earth and have fun in the process. Despite the 1,300 words I just wrote about The Spider, I honestly don’t hate it. I obviously don’t love it either, it’s just *there* dead in the middling water. I was going to give it a flat Grade C, but since it made me write a lot, I guess that’s worth something? Grade C+.

Grim Leaper #1 (Image Comics): This book isn’t nearly as rough as The Spider, but I have dramatically less to say about its mediocrity. You get the sense that the creators really do have a genuinely new idea to play with here that is their own intellectual property, and they actually execute it. So, it really all comes down to how much you enjoy that idea and the mannerin which they choose to deliver it. Unfortunately, it’s a bit of a one-note joke that takes an entire issue to play out. We all have one of those friends (sorry, Sean) who can’t tell a story or a joke to save their lives. They drone on and on stopping to fill you in on all sorts of tangential irrelevant detail, so that you sort of lose the throughline and tune out, and by the time the punchline finally arrives it doesn’t pay for the 10 minutes of preamble you just had to sit through. I guess that’s how I feel here? The main character keeps dying and getting reincarnated as different people, fully aware that in each new life he’s a walking magnet for random Final Destination style violence. There’s a subversive tone to the humor, the art is really inky in a way I enjoy, the violence is treated darkly in that it’s comical, etc. At the end (Spoiler Alert? Maybe? I don’t know. It says on the cover it’s “A Love Story To Die For”) he meets a girl who… wait for it… suffers from the same curse. He loves her simply for their shared worldview, then… wait for it… she dies abruptly. See the irony? The End. Grade B-.

Sidekick #1 [Kamak's Corner]

By Contributing Writer Brian Kamak

 

Sidekick #1 (Image): It’s perverse, drug-fueled, and mocks yoga-pant-adorned heroes. No, Ennis didn’t start writing that piece of crap Dicks again. This is the second release from J. Michael Straczynski’s relaunch of the Joe’s Comics imprint. The first, Ten Grand, is a book that my mentor here at Thirteen Minutes has already grown weary of by the fourth issue. [Editor's Note: killer variant cover art aside, I also didn't feel like the campy awkward interior art stood up to the gravitas of the deconstructionist tendencies of the script, but there's no accounting for taste, I guess...]

I, too, have a love-hate relationship with JMS. My hate for him is geared mostly at Amazing Spider-Man #36. Yes, the 9/11 issue. Being raised in New York, and literally witnessing that tragedy firsthand, I was simply appalled by his attempt to shed any light on this particular subject. [Editor's Note: But, Kamak, none of the 9/11 "special" issues from any company were any good!] Brian K. Vaughan’s Ex Machina was the only book that I was ever able to relate to in that regard. [Editor's Note: I certainly approve of this title!] But, enough of the sob story.

JMS has done a brilliant job pairing Tom Mandrake and Ben Templesmith to Sidekick and Ten Grand, respectively. With Mandrake’s art and colors by HiFi, it’s a brilliant combination that creates a surreal superhero world. This art would fit perfectly on more mainstream titles, yet captures without flaw the downward spiral of this superhero universe. As the issue progressed and got darker in tone, so did the coloring. Lately, I haven’t been shelling out cash for variant covers, but I did for the Charlie Adlard cover of Sidekick, and I’m in the process of tracking down a convention exclusive cover as well. I guess I’m just another sucker for that Sidekick cover art.

The basic premise is that Red Cowl (the “Batman” of Sidekick) is offed, leaving Flyboy (the “Robin” archetype) to fend for himself. Once seemingly upstanding Red Cowl is out of the picture, Flyboy’s downward spiral begins. The satirical hilarity ensues post-villain-thwarting, when Flyboy blackmails a hooker into giving him head (either that, or she was tying his shoelaces crouched behind a dumpster!). Things are kicked off when a lawyer informs Flyboy that there’s nothing left to inherit in Red’s estate, progresses to the newscasters tearing him a new one , and then to the search for a new role where he fails miserably. There’s also a twist… WOW! [Editor's Note: Spoiler Alert!]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, but I don’t see how it can continue moving forward based on this premise. I want to love this series, so I hope JMS uses some of his literary magic to keep roping me in. Please don’t have me growing bored by issue #4. Grade A-.

4.23.08 Reviews

Northlanders #5 (DC/Vertigo): Major pieces of Sven’s psychological drive are revealed in this issue, as Brian Wood provides a nice historical background for the character. There are many sociological themes at play here, including the way youth considers its place in the world, having the courage to take alternate paths, and a nice religious paradox is also presented. What I’m beginning to like most about Northlanders is the mature and complex ways that the characters interact with their lives and their realities, in a very unapologetic way: “She had other men. I had other women. But there was love.” I can say that I love DMZ. I love Local. But Northlanders is quickly becoming the book I look forward to reading the most in the Brian Wood stable. It’s full of surprises, charm, introspection, and ruminations on the human experience. With this issue, I feel like Northlanders has stopped being Wood’s new book with great potential, and has simply become one of his greatest works. Grade A+.

Bonus: The House of Mystery sneak preview looks really fun! Constantine, Wesley Dodds, Shade, Bigby Wolf, and Kid Eternity! Luca Rossi’s intricate, fine lines and forced perspective shots really make me want to check this out.

Checkmate #25 (DC): The introduction suffers a bit from the GI Joe style profiles, complete with codenames. I don’t quite understand how The Rooks are supposedly so bad ass and intimidating, yet I’ve never heard of Cinnamon, Sykes, or J.A.K.E. Why not bring in Arsenal or someone who would be a surprise known face that could kick some serious ass? That aside, the script hums and there are no wonky qualities in the art. There are big concepts like utilizing Starro DNA, and Rucka’s verbal aesthetic is all over this. Throw away lines about the mission clock running and the international station reports are definitively making this the Queen & Country of the DCU. I also really enjoy how firmly entrenched in the DCU the book strives to be. There’s the appearance of Batman, the mentions of “Honor Alpha,” arcane Crowley references, and even some respect from the Trinity. This issue asks the basic philosophical question: if you could kill someone like Hitler at birth, would it be justifiable? We’re teased with one answer, and twisted into an approach that suggests if you know that will be the baby’s ultimate destiny, you simply teach the baby otherwise. Grade A-.

X-Force #3 (Marvel): The diversity of the quickly alternating sets makes it a little tough to figure out how they all connect. Seeing a recently deceased character’s grave, suggesting he’ll come back to life, is a bit groan-inducing. But… just when I think I’m ready to throw in the towel, I start enjoying this title. The CG art is impressive, I like the commentary on religious extremism, and Proudstar’s internal monologue about what it means to be a member of this incarnation of X-Force, and whether or not he’s comfortable with that, are all really engaging. There’s a charming urgency to lines like “Does she look okay, Worthington?!” Grade B+.

Amazing Spider-Man #557 (Marvel): There’s a bit of exposition up front, and the Mayan hoo-ha is not all that interesting or unique, but the overall tone of the book is still welcome to me. I like this portrayal of a Peter who is responsible and mature, while being fun. Bachalo’s dark visuals and beautiful layouts remain very inventive. Not the most interesting high concept, but excellent execution of it. Grade B.

I also picked up;

Queen & Country: Definitive Edition: Volume 2 (Oni Press): This superb and reasonably priced edition collects the 4th, 5th, and 6th trade paperback arcs.

4.02.08 Reviews (Part 1)

Casanova #13 (Image): Matt Fraction gives us a quick history lesson regarding the Dardanelles Guns, siege warfare tactics, Mossad assassinations, and this title’s trademark fourth wall breaking moments. Along with lines like “I’m like a nesting doll that gives blow jobs steeped with existential ennui,” it’s hard not to love this bargain of a time jumping adventure. Grade A.

Action Comics #863 (DC): The finale of Geoff Johns and Gary Frank’s Legion arc rolls in as consistent and strong as it began. This arc was quite a little achievement; it managed to portray Silver Age-y adventuresome goodness, provide crisp art in the action scenes and the talking heads bits, use nifty artistic effects like the black silhouetted figures, insert organic splash pages, comment on the strength of a team being not the different powers it contains, but the diversity of the people and their personalities, and set up an impending crossover. “Red Sun, Magic War, it could be raining Kryptonite, I don’t care. Next time you need help, you let me know.” This is everything Action Comics should be. Grade A-.

Amazing Spider-Man #555 (Marvel): I didn’t read “One More Day” and am only assuming that “Brand New Day” is an extension of that. I only picked this up because I usually enjoy Zeb Wells’ writing and Chris Bachalo’s art; I’m a sucker for an intriguingly paired creative team. On the scripting end, I did enjoy the dark tone of the narrative, but that aside there wasn’t much story aside from Wolverine hanging out to help Peter take on some Ninja guys. I’ve always loved Bachalo’s pencils, whether it was Generation Next or DC’s The Witching Hour. Here, his (can be) claustrophobic art really shines with some inventive page layouts and panels that forego the constraints of traditional borders, which really gives his lines room to breathe. Not sure if this team is supposed to stick around for a bit, but I’ll be here if they do. Grade B.

3.07.07 Reviews - Part 2

Scalped #3 (DC/Vertigo): The sheer energy of the plot pulls itself through some rather murky art during the opening shootout. Once that's settled, we get back to an extremely strong new book from Vertigo that bounces back and forth between present day and a flashback look at our protagonist. Scalped continually adds layers of complexity to this dark look at the modern plight of Indian Reservations and the twisted law enforcement efforts designed to address it. Grade A-.

Hulk & Power Pack #1 (Marvel): One huge quibble with this book that just punches you in the face. The Hulk was recently shipped off into space, by his own friends and colleagues mind you, because he was an unpredictable threat that could not be trusted anymore inhabiting the Earth. So, yeah, let's team him up with pre-teen kids in regular Marvel continuity and make him seem all cute and cuddly. Umm, what?! Nice one. Once you get past that irregularity, this is a really fun book. David Williams' pencils boasts some very dynamic perspective shots, brilliantly emotive facial expressions, and is the perfect artistic choice for the tone of this material. Marc Sumerak's script wastes no time, gets right into the action, and really nails the ear for kidspeak. He pays homage to modern kid culture (with things like Jack knowing the "Hulk Smash!" cheat code), but is also really respectul to the kids aptitude (they do figure out Banner is the Hulk after all!). All in all, a really well done book that is perfectly accessible for kids. Grade A-.

Mighty Avengers #1 (Marvel): I liked this debut issue, but have a few reservations. First off, the introduction of the thought balloons feels like a cheat. In this day and age, it just feels like a lazy storytelling tool. Bendis is an effective enough writer to convey meaning and motivation through his regular lengthy dialogue without having to attempt an additional layer of meaning with such a distracting mechanism. Second, it's very hypocritical. Recall that the Stamford disaster was the catalyst for the Registration Act and the subsequent Civil War. It all started with public backlash to innocent civilians getting killed. Well, in this issue we see a fight with "Mole-Monsters" right in New York City, there are at least two shots of high-rise buildings severely damaged and in flames. There's one panel where the Sentry knocks a monster right into a high-rise, cracking it in half. There's another panel where Wonder Man gets knocked into the air and in the background is half of a high-rise building sitting in flames. It seems safe to assume that NYC wasn't evacuated, since there are civilians visible running around amid cars being thrown, so we can also presume that hundreds of people have beek killed in this little melee starring the government sponsored team. Yet there's no mention of it. No reaction to it. Are we supposed to believe the public is ok with that? Why is that now ok? Because they're not children? I don't get it. I know that this is a basic conceit you have to accept with superhero books, but it's the height of hypocrisy given recent events in the Marvel U. Third, Tony is still being portrayed as really distasteful. He has a smarmy manipulative tone when dealing with Carol and refers to his long-time friend Captain America, Cap, Steve Rogers, Steve, now as... "Rogers" in a demeaning way. Fourth, some of the humor falls really flat. And finally, *this* is the best group of Avengers they could think of? The "best of the best?" I guess all the true best are behind bars or unregistered fugitives. All that aside... Frank Cho's art looks amazing, a perfect match for a book that depicts the mightier-than-mere-mortal Avengers. I'm a sucker for assembling the team issues. And you can't deny that there is a likeable energy here. Bendis is swinging for the fences in the very first issue by planting Ultron as the baddie. What I like the most is that it feels genuine. There is an authenticity to these events, characters, and the overall tone that is much more appealing than New Avengers ever came across. I would rather see the interactions of Carol Danvers, Wonder Man, and Ares ring true, than the much hyped dynamics of market juggernauts Wolverine and Spider-Man on the other Avengers title. Grade B.

Zauriel: Helmet of Fate #1 (DC): The best thing I can say about this is that it has a Kaluta cover. For a moment, there are some playful religious quandries posed, but then it absolutely drowns itself in exposition. The only raison d'etre for this book seems to be page after page full of expository dialogue that attempts to explain what the fuck is going on with the Helmet of Fate. One of the most boring and horribly scripted books I've read in quite some time. Grade D.

Free Comic Book Day (FCBD) 2009

Love & Rockets: New Stories FCBD Edition (Fantagraphics): I’m not a huge fan of the Hernandez Brothers, but this is outstanding if you happen to be. It has actual new stories vs. reprints or just being a collection of house ads! The Killer story was a fun one and in spots I swear there is some similarity to the pencils of Terry Moore in the facial features. Grade A.

Exiles #1 (Marvel):I don’t think this new Jeff Parker series was actually one of the official free comics of FCBD, but inker Mark Irwin inked the cover and was signing this and giving away free copies, so that’s pretty cool. A very fun and cool premise-establishing issue that ends on a visual cliffhanger that made me want to pick up the series. Grade A.

Avengers (Marvel): Unless Marvel is going to start using less paper and charge $2.99 on all of their books, I don’t get the small size here. Ostensibly, this is a tough read for a newbie. Is that Bucky Cap? Is this the New Avengers? The Mighty Avengers? The Dark Avengers? What’s the difference? Why are there two versions of Spider-Man and Wolverine? That looks like Iron Man, but it’s not Tony Stark. Ronin? Sentry? Captain Marvel? None of them are easy characters to explain. However, Jim Cheung’s art looks fantastic! Almost as if he’s improved his own good style to new levels of greatness and incorporated the few redeeming qualities of Todd McFarlane and Joe Quesada along the way. Fun to see the Fastball Special with Luke Cage and in spite of itself, the title seems to overcome all of its many hurdles and still be fun and coherent. Grade A-.

Blackest Night #0 (DC): I grew up a Green Lantern fan; this is back when, I don’t know… Tomar Re was still around and Dave Gibbons was a regular artist, so I appreciate all things Green Lantern Corps, but damn if this didn’t seem a little esoteric. Johns does tons of ‘splainin, but unless you know that, uh, Hal, Barry, Clark, Ollie, J’onn, and now Bruce have died, along with basic GL Corps mythology, it’s kind of a head scratcher. It begins as sort of a tour of life and death in the DCU, and ends with some pin-ups, never really giving us a solid hook for what the actual story is going to be about. As a fan, I’m intrigued, but as a newbie I think I’d be lost. Grade B+.

Comics Festival! (Legion of Evil Press): By way of the Toronto Comic Arts Festival, we get some great pieces from Emmanuel Guibert, Scott Chantler, Faith Erin Hicks, and Chip Zdarsky. Then there are some others that don’t quite connect. Grade B+.

John Stanley’s Melvin Monster (Drawn & Quarterly): Gorgeous looking flipbook designed by Seth, which is a tease for the upcoming library editions of Stanley’s work later this year. Not really my personal cup of tea, but well done nonetheless. Grade B.

Aliens/Predator (Dark Horse): The Aliens portion looked pretty clean and fun, I even met the inker Mark Irwin who was doing a little signing. Amazing to think that Ridley Scott’s original film is coming up on its 30th Anniversary. Sheesh, do I feel old. I remember being a kid and watching it with my dad. Anyway, if you’re a fan of either, I’m sure this book will be interesting. Grade B.

Atomic Robo/Drone/We Kill Monsters (Red 5 Comics): The lead is your basic dinosaurs vs. robots amid the ever-popular “Hellboy-light” style of storytelling. I always think that Atomic Robo looks very slick and good, but never understand the rabid appeal after I read an issue. The two back up stories are awful. Grade C+.

Radical (Radical Comics): This is really nothing more than a book of pin-ups/advertisements for other series, most of which have quite a long way to go before they see the light of day. Although all of Radical’s output boasts extremely nice production quality, I have only slight interest in one title – The Last Days of American Crime by Rick Remender and Greg Tocchini. Grade C.

In general, I’m not sure anyone really “gets” what Free Comic Book Day is supposed to be anymore. I remember living in the Bay Area when it first started and two things were happening. One, most retailers got the majority of the titles and were, ya’ know, giving them away for free, because it’s, ya’ know, FREE Comic Book Day and all. Two, the giveaways were actual comics (not a collection of house ads, Radical!) aimed at certain potential demographics. It’s really a muddy mess out there these days. I can understand retailers only getting certain titles due to the sheer volume and diversity. The comics themselves don’t make it easy. There are companies represented that I’ve never heard of. William Shatner and Blue Water Comics? TH3RD World? NASCAR Comics? Who wants that exactly? Fans of err, NASCAR? Who just happen to wander into a comic shop on May 2nd?

The first shop I went to, alternately known as the Lair of Sea Donkey, was limiting your picks to 4. You could take 4 of the Free Comics on Free Comic Book Day, despite all of them designed to be… free. The entire goal of the effort is to whet the appetite of a potential or existing readership by putting new material into their hands risk free. The only way you do that is to expose them to as much as possible. Limiting their choices runs contrary to the entire premise. This retailer also didn’t do much of anything else to capitalize on the interest. No creator signings, no sale to speak of, just some typically bizarre retailer practices. This retailer really needed a lesson in line management and inventory control. There was one (1) single guy working the register for a line of about 50 people. Were these people making purchases? No. They were told to form two lines; one to pick up their 4 free books, and then another line to “check out” because they had to “track the books.” Umm, what? So, I’m basically standing in this line for 15 minutes so you can scan my 4 barcodes for a phantom “sale” so you can then figure out what product moved? Here’s an idea… if you ordered 200 of one title and at the end of the day you have 50 left, guess what? 200 minus 50 means you moved 150. End of discussion. And don't tell me you're worried about someone stealing them. Hello, last I checked... they. were. free. WHY DO I HAVE TO STAND IN THE RETARDED SEA DONKEY LINE FOR YOU TO COMPUTE THIS COMPLEX TRIGONOMETRIC ALGORITHM?!

The second retailer had it a little more together. While you could only take 5 titles at this place, there was no sign or anyone directing traffic to indicate this. So, me being me, I pick up every single book and make a healthy stack of 20 free comics that all say “FREE COMIC” on them because it is, after all, FREE COMIC BOOK DAY – only to be told by a register jock that uhh, yeah, the “policy” is that you can take 5, which makes me feel like a big jerk. I almost just put them all back because at this point, I didn’t care enough to sort through the ones I was interested in and the ones I wasn’t. It’s not as if I’m going to keep any of them anyway. However, this retailer was making a real effort at other things. This is where inker Mark Irwin was. True, it wasn’t an artist or writer, but just an (gosh, I’m marginalizing here…) inker. An inker I’d never heard of. Who inks books I’ve never bought and probably won’t. But still, it was something. But then there were trades and stuff on sale! Dollar comics! Some dude selling all his GI Joe toys! Free donuts to go along with the free comics! Yeah! Kinda’… At this rate, I don't think I'll be back next year.